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NCDD-DISCUSSION  November 2010, Week 3

NCDD-DISCUSSION November 2010, Week 3

Subject:

Re: Advocacy / Listening (was, Stewart's closing remarks...)

From:

Rogier Gregoire <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Rogier Gregoire <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Sun, 14 Nov 2010 23:48:07 -0600

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (117 lines)

I have been listening to these exchanges with considerable dismay. I  
wondered if the sense of hurt at not being heard or listen to  was  
really at the heart of the issue? But let me ask the most obvious  
question of this community or whoever is listening or tuned in at this  
particular moment. I seem to remember that Rosa has commented with  
considerable authority and insight about Bohmian dialogue and wondered  
why inquiry would not serve where listening seems to fail, even at  
what is considered "deep listening"? I mean what sort of process are  
we in? argument? deliberation? debating? or a simple conversation?

I too get upset when the more driven ideologue seems to just keep  
spouting their "truisms" while being unable to "listen deeply" to my  
own "truisms". (Which appears to signal an argument is about to take  
place.) If I'm smart enough or conscious of what is happening my  
approach is to ask questions and use the answers to construct a deeper  
question in an effort to get at the assumptions that support their  
point of view. Not to trick them or convince them that they are right  
or wrong but simply to broaden my own understanding of their point of  
view. No frustration, no effort to convince or persuade - simply to  
find out where this person is coming from. Isn't that what dialogue is  
about? And if the other person doesn't afford me the same opportunity  
then we are not in a dialogue (although we might have felt that is  
what we were doing) and I exit the scene as quickly as possible and  
hopefully without being rude.

Respectfully,

Rogier Gregoire
On Nov 14, 2010, at 8:45 PM, Rosa Zubizarreta wrote:

> Dear Don,
>
> I appreciate what you wrote here...
>
>> There's a lot of legitimate hurt, anger, despair, fear, etc. that  
>> needs to be *heard* rather than politely channeled into  
>> "appropriate" expressions. I find the limiting factor is myself -  
>> what I can and cannot hear without losing my center, my grounding,  
>> my openness, *my* worldview (that I want to advocate for). I find  
>> that if I can remain in good contact, and remain open, centered,  
>> grounded while allowing the "other" to spew and fume and  
>> dump...that eventually they run out of steam because I have, in  
>> fact, heard and understood and even appreciated how they have  
>> arrived at that particular view and set of feelings.
>
> a very moving description of the kind of "deep listening" work that  
> one can do, to very positive effect...
>
>> At the "dead spot" where they have exhausted their venom, if I  
>> leave a pause, remain in contact with them and breathe while  
>> nodding that I understand, I find most people are at that moment  
>> more receptive to a short, concise, tentatively phrased piece of  
>> information that expands their view just a nudge. "Mmmm. I  
>> understand. (reflect reflect reflect what was said) Still,  
>> sometimes I wonder about the children...whether they will have as  
>> wonderful a life as we have had if things go that way." And then  
>> leave a long pause for another round of good listening to whatever  
>> comes up for them.
>
> and, it reminds me of the kind of listening that i've enjoyed  
> offering, one-on-one, to individual members of "the other side", at  
> various political demonstrations and counter-demonstratios I have  
> attended....
>
> At the same time, I do have a question for you... I'd love to take  
> this a bit further.
> WHAT IF... WHAT IF.... at that point you are calling the "dead  
> spot"....
> what if, you were in a structured situation where it wasn't YOU who  
> needed to offer any information (no matter how skillfully or  
> adroitly!) but what if INSTEAD, you could then turn and offer that  
> kind of listening, to SOMEBODY ELSE in the room, who would also have  
> their own particular view?  And that first person, could then  
> overhear someone else's perspective, realizing that this other  
> person is going to be listened to, just as carefully as they  
> themselves were?
>
> In the work I do, we call that "taking all sides".... it seems to  
> me, that from what you have written above, you already know that  
> this kind of listening is somewhat different than what one does when  
> one is being a "neutral" facilitator... what we are describing here  
> is a "joining" with EACH person, in turn, that, as powerful as it  
> can be on an individual level, can be immensely more so, when it  
> takes place as part of a group situation....  where the whole can  
> end up being much larger than the "sum of the parts".
>
> If this is of interest to you, please feel free to contact me  
> directly.
> I'd love to contribute in whatever way I can, to the development of  
> the gift you already have....
>
> with all best wishes,
>
> Rosa
> -- 
> Rosa Zubizarreta
> Diapraxis: Facilitating Creative Collaboration
> Organization Development  *  Community Engagement
>
> 413-528-5296
> Great Barrington, MA
> http://www.diapraxis.com
>
> ---
>
> NCDD's discussion and announcement lists are generously provided by  
> L-Soft ( www.lsoft.com ) and are powered by L-Soft's LISTSERV  
> mailing list management software ( www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV- 
> powered.html ).  Learn more about NCDD's email lists in the  
> community section of the NCDD website ( www.thataway.org/community/lists/ 
>  ).  Please read this mailing list's rules ( www.thataway.org/community/listrules 
>  ) before you post.

---

NCDD's discussion and announcement lists are generously provided by L-Soft ( www.lsoft.com ) and are powered by L-Soft's LISTSERV mailing list management software ( www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html ).  Learn more about NCDD's email lists in the community section of the NCDD website ( www.thataway.org/community/lists/ ).  Please read this mailing list's rules ( www.thataway.org/community/listrules ) before you post.

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